Harsh Criticism

Harsh Criticism

Copyright all rights reserved to Monica Pereira 2013

Smashwords Edition

Jayne felt her fingers ache; she had had enough of work and she didn't want to push herself any more! Jayne decided it was time to go home - however she had thirty minutes before she was allowed to go and so she sat with hands rested on her lap.

Her boss Roderick saw Jayne and he walked up to her. Jayne looked at Roderick and felt the hairs on her arms become raised.

“A talk?” invited Roderick.

“Where, here?” asked Jayne as she looked at Roderick and blinked.

“Inside of the office;” told Roderick before he moved to his office.

Jayne sighed! She had been busted and only after a few minutes. Jayne decided that she was in deep, and for a moment she wondered if she would be given a hard time? Jayne blinked back her worry and she moved herself into the office, there Jayne sat herself in a chair.

“Hello;” she greeted.

Roderick smiled and he leaned back on his desk as he looked at Jayne. He had a tea-cup on his desk and he wanted to take a sip, but he didn't move.

“Is there a reason why you were doing nothing?” he asked.

“My fingers were sore - it was just a moment of rest;” complained Jayne.

“No, you don't rest;” told Roderick. “You call it a day and leave;” he added.

“It was just a moment, I was going to continue after a minute;” told Jayne as she glared with her heartbeat in levitation.

“I see;” told Roderick as he blinked. “Do you need your hours cut?” he asked. “Are you working too hard?” he added.

“No;” told Jayne as she shivered. “I just wanted a break, my fingers had a cramp;” she said.

“Not arthritis?” asked Roderick as he raised his brows.

“No;” muttered Jayne as she shrugged and felt her mind crash into her belly. “Nothing like that;” she added. “They were just sore;” she declared.

“Computers come with sensitive keys, I would hate for you be unable to press them in the correct manner;” told Roderick as he glared at Jayne.

Jayne sighed and felt her mind weaken; she felt Roderick was too hard on her, and she wanted to dispose of the moment which was a long criticism that harassed her to the bone.

“What's wrong with a break?” she asked.

“Nothing wrong, only you are wasting time and money;” told Roderick.

“I didn't mean to;” told Jayne as she shrugged. “The day has been hard on me that is all;” she added.

“It has been hard on me as well;” told Roderick. “However I work until it is through he declared.

“I see;” told Jayne as she shrugged.

“I hope you do;” told Roderick as he glared at Jayne. “I really hope you do;” he enthused.

Jayne shrugged and then she sighed as she wiped a hand over her brow - she had nothing more to say, however he couldn't move because Roderick hadn't dismissed her.

“I will try not to loiter;” she said.

Roderick glared at Jayne and nodded.

“That is good otherwise your job will be on the line;” he declared before he leaned over and picked up his cup.

Roderick took in a sip of tea as he looked at Jayne - she looked pale and weak, and for a moment he thought she looked sick for her skin was pale and cold in appearance; and he didn't like it.

“You may need to take a break from work if you continue to lag;” he declared.

Jayne shrugged; she wanted to be out of the hell of depressive conversation, however Roderick didn't just want to let her go either.

“I see;” told Jayne after a full minute.

Roderick nodded and then he glared at Jayne and blinked; for a moment Jayne thought he flirted, however a phone call distracted him and he picked it up to discuss something that Jayne had never heard. After a few minutes Roderick put down the phone and then he looked to Jayne.

“It has been ten minutes;” he declared. “Are you going to work or leave?” he asked.

“I'll work;” told Jayne as her heart began to sink.

Roderick glared at Jayne and shrugged.

“How about you just take five;” he added before he passed her a pen and paper. “Take note;” he added.

Jayne wasn't all that experienced in taking notes, however she tried. Roderick spoke for ten minutes and at the end he asked Jayne to recall what she had written. Jayne fumbled.

“I am not your secretary;” she declared.

“Were your notes that bad?” asked Roderick as he frowned and giggled. “Let me have a look;” he added.

Jayne cringed and passed Roderick the notes, and he laughed as he read where the writing turned into lines and scribble. Roderick smiled at Jayne and then he blinked.

“Go home;” he declared before he sat in his office chair.

Jayne smiled and left the office, she then left the building. Jayne wanted to sob, however she had no reason to sob; she had been dismissed and she felt bad, but she hadn't been fired!

Jane arrived home and she met Mathew her fiance. Mathew glared at Jayne and knew she had had a bad day - he wanted to open his arms to her, but he knew Jayne never wanted that, and so he left her alone.

Jayne walked into her bedroom and had a shower. In minutes she felt warm, and after her shower she moved to the kitchen to meet Mathew as he cooked.

“I hope you like meat;” he declared.

“I like anything warm;” told Jayne as she sighed.

“That's good;” told Mathew before he turned away.

Jayne looked to Mathew, she wanted to step closer to him but she didn't know how. Jayne let a full minute pass before she gave up on her dream of a love-filled relationship. Jayne didn't know how to be romantic and so she left her loving welcome alone.

“I wish I hadn't had such a rough day;” she declared.

“Oh you had a rough day did you?” asked Mathew as he raised his brows. “Would you like to tell me about it?” he asked.

“No, I'll just drink some wine instead;” told Jayne before she picked up a bottle of wine and poured herself a cup.

Mathew nodded; he didn't know how to open up to Jayne either so he concentrated on the food.

After dinner Jayne went to bed, and alone during the night she sobbed to herself; she didn't know how to tell Mathew that work had been hard, and she didn't know how to tell herself that she didn't want to return to the office - she wanted to live away from work and just watch television and live the dream of being a house-wife as she raised a family, she wanted to just disappear, and she sobbed until she was too tired to cry.

Mathew looked at Jayne from the door - he had opened it a crack to spy and her, and what he saw disturbed him. He wanted to hold Jayne, but he decided to leave her alone - she didn't want to open up to him, and he didn't want to walk towards her distress.

Jayne returned the work the following day. She worked hard all day, and at the end she was told that Roderick wanted to see her. Roderick looked to Jayne and smiled, he told her that her actions had improved - Jayne sighed at the news, she hoped that she would be able to return to the good side of the employee scale and not the bad side; however then Roderick picked up some notes.

“I just have a few criticisms;” he muttered. “Let me talk to you about them;” he said.

Jayne tried to hold her head up high, however by the end of thirty minutes she felt as low as gravel. Jayne looked to Roderick and saw a mean person who had turned against her and wanted her fired. Roderick smiled as he leaned against his desk, and then he glared at Jayne as he tried to read her thoughts.

“Do you think you will be able to improve based on this analysis?” he asked.

Jayne nodded despite the heavy wad of cement that said inside of her brain. Jayne then left the office, and left the building - inside of her car she hung her head and began to cry.

Jayne walked into her home and Mathew greeted her with a wave. Jayne wanted to wave back - however her limbs felt too heavy, and so she turned away and moved to the bedroom where she had a shower. Jayne cried out her anguish as water dribbled over her shoulders, and after the shower she went straight to bed; she hadn't any hunger for food, and she didn't want to see the world any longer.

The next day Jayne returned to work and worked hard. She tried her best, and for a full week she began to see progress. However then Roderick called Jayne into the office and told her that her performance had slipped. He displayed a project outline on which he had circled her mistakes, and Jayne grew horrified over what she saw.

“I'm sorry I thought I had done everything perfect!” she declared.

“I wish you had;” told Roderick as he glared at her. “Otherwise I wouldn't be able to tell you that you have dropped so far I have to ask if the work is too hard?”

Jayne shook her head.

“I am trying to aim you towards a more professional level;” told Roderick as he glared at Jayne. “It is best for the company to have you perform at high standard;” he added.

Jayne rubbed her head as she felt agony inside - she openly cried; she didn't know what else to exclaim! Roderick stopped his tongue as he saw her tears and he shrugged as he leaned back to watch Jayne as she fell apart. Roderick picked up a tissue box and offered it to Jayne. Jayne took a few tissues and then she continued to sob alone until her phase of anguish ended.

Roderick cleared his throat.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yes;” told Jayne as her heartbeat fluttered. “I am fine;” she declared.

“Those were tears;” told Roderick as he narrowed his eyes. “Have I gone too far? Been too open?”

“I feel as though you have been pushing me on my mistakes since you saw me take a break to ease sore fingers;” told Jayne as she looked to Roderick with water inside of her eyes.

“Well that prompted me to double check your performance levels, and I sought to help you regain a professional standard;” told Roderick as he glared. “I have noticed ever since I started looking that you have lapse;” he declared. “I only wish to guide you in the right direction;”

“I feel as though you are picking on me. I no longer feel comfortable;” told Jayne as she began to see her contract break in half. “I feel disturbed;” she added.

Roderick glared at Jayne for along moment, the world paused, and then he shrugged.

“I am sorry but I feel that you are below standard;” he declared.

Jayne shrugged - she no longer wanted to be alive; her heart felt dead and her brain felt sore.

“I feel decrepit;” she declared. “I want to go home;” she added.

Roderick shrugged.

“Then go home, think about all we have discussed, and try to perform to standard;” he said.

Jayne nodded and then she left the office.

At home Jayne cried! She felt so down she didn't want to unlock the bedroom door. She just wanted to stay alone forever and not eat, drink, or see anyone. Jayne sighed and then she ran a hand over her face.

“I don't know what to do;” she said. “I feel let down and used;” she added.

That night Jayne needed a pill to get to sleep. When Jayne woke it was another day, and she greeted Mathew who woke from the couch as she passed by.

“Can I sleep in our bed now?” he asked.

“Yes;” told Jayne. “I am going to work;” she declared.

However work didn't move as smoothly as planned. Jayne met with Roderick in his office and she was shown his latest corrections. Jayne smiled to Roderick as her shoes ached to walk - she didn't hardly listen to him, she just brushed his comments aside and sat as good as a dog on a doorstep. Roderick saw Jayne humoured him and he raised his brows.

“Your work is unprofessional;” he declared. “Please correct your mistakes;” he added.

However Jayne couldn't correct her mistakes - all day long she tried, but she couldn't! She couldn't even see her mistakes until Roderick pointed them out, and she felt discouraged.

At the end of the day Roderick called her back inside his office and there Jayne sat as she listened to his words and comments. Roderick had a way on making things look better, and he showed her his work after he had copied off one segment of her work. Jayne knew his work was better and she lapsed.

“Well perhaps we should switch roles;” she declared.

“No;” told Roderick as he finally smiled. “No, that is ridiculous;” he added.

Jayne shrugged and then she shed a few tears.

“I don't think I can do what you want;” she added.

Roderick smiled.

“I only ask you to try;” he commented. “Revise these examples, and learn from them;” he stated.

Jayne took the pieces of paper and then she moved away from the office.

Jayne returned home early after having had thrown work away. Mathew wasn't at home, and she sat on the lounge chair as she read through her notes. Jayne cringed at everything she read, and then she threw the pieces of paper into the fireplace and lit them.

“I can't do it;” she declared in a haunted tone. “I can't work any-more;” she added before she turned away from the fireplace.

Mathew walked into the house drunk. He walked to the master bedroom where Jayne showered. Mathew growled and entered the shower.

“You don't love me!” he gasped.

Jayne shivered at the angered tone and she opened the shower door. There stood Mathew as he glared at her with red on his eyes.

“You don't love me!” he barked. “Our relationship is too hard!” he added.

Jane felt a chill as Mathew brooded until his throat groaned; she had been caught naked, she didn't know what to say or do.

“I wanted to sleep alone last night;” she said.

“Okay, but you don't like me any more!” gasped Mathew before he left.

Mathew ran away from the house as Jayne sat on the tiles in the shower. Jane began to sob - nothing in the world was right, everything was wrong; Jayne couldn't feel grounded and she shivered as she called herself a stupid fool.

The next day Jayne returned to work. She was called into Roderick's office before she was able to start her work and in the office Roderick shook his head.

“You left early yesterday, can you tell me why/” he asked.

“I needed to return home;” told Jayne. “I couldn't handle your criticisms, I needed to leave;” she added.

“My criticisms are only there to help you Jayne, not to demolish you;” he added.

“I don't think I can perform;” told Jayne as she tried her best to breath normally as her heart ached to crack. “I think you are too hard on me;” she added.

“I think you are too hard on you, I can only advise;” told Roderick. “You must change;” he added.

“I can't;” told Jayne as she shrugged. “I can't, it's too hard!” she declared.

“Then go;” told Roderick. 

Jayne sucked in a breath as she felt the walls narrow.

“Go to your workstation and work;” told Roderick. “I will tell you when you are no longer required;” he declared.

Jayne nodded - for a moment she felt relief, but the sensation only held on for so long; after a while Jayne moved to her workstation and worked - however her fingers were already tired, and she knew she hadn't corrected herself to standard.

For three days Roderick left Jayne alone, however then he told her to stay back after one unforgettable quarrel on the phone to a client. Jayne entered the office and Roderick narrowed his eyes.

“You quarrelled with a client?” he asked.

“Yes;” told Jayne as she gulped down a breath. “Yes I did;” she added.

“Why?” asked Roderick as he glared.

“I wanted to;” muttered Jayne before she could stop herself.

“Clients are our heartbeat Jayne;” told Roderick. “Without them our company cannot survive;” he declared.

“I can't survive!” gasped Jayne as she broke down into tears. “You've been too hard, I can't survive!” she declared as she sobbed. “Let me go;” she added.

Roderick crooked his head as he looked at Jayne as she had a mental breakdown.

“No, I don't think I will;” told Roderick as he picked up the box of tissues and passed them to Jayne. “I will tell you when to leave, you just show up and try;” he whispered in a tone that was surprisingly soft.

Jayne looked at Roderick as one who had been ruffled from their slumber. She wanted to smile at him, but her eyes were wet and she could only cry. Jayne took a tissue and wiped her face gently as to not disturbed her make-up. Roderick smiled and stepped back - he seemed like a queer oddity which had a hidden secret behind his mind; Jayne grew interested for a moment before she hid her interest.

“Okay;” she muttered. “I will not quarrel with a client;” she added.

“Good;” told Roderick as he nodded. “Because we need them;” he declared.

Jayne returned home and found Mathew on the porch. He smoked as he stared at the lawn, and when she approached he hung his head and laughed. Jayne stopped and looked at Mathew with weary on her eye-lids, she wasn't sure what to do about him but she wanted to leave him alone.

“Are you okay?” asked Jayne.

Mathew threw up his eyes and looked to Jayne, he nodded.

“I cooked all day;” he said. “Best hang-over cure ever;” he declared.

“That's good;” muttered Jayne before she took her feet and headed towards the front door. “A good dinner is just what I need!” she declared.

Jayne entered the kitchen to inspect the food, however she was horrified to see ten plates stacked with cooked meat turned cold. Jayne shivered; her kitchen bench looked like a slaughter house and she wanted to run away.

“This doesn't look like dinner;” she declared.

“Why not?” asked Mathew from behind. “I cook you meat every day, what is wrong with this meal?” he asked. “It's steak;” he added.

Jayne looked at Mathew and her belly churned as she saw someone half-mad. Jayne stepped away from the kitchen bench, and then she moved towards the exit door.

“It's a lot of meat;” she declared.

“For you and me;” told Mathew as he glared at Jayne as one heartbroken. “For you and I;” he corrected.

“That's nice;” told Jayne as she shrugged. “But I prefer a more reasonable amount;” she added. “This just makes me want to turn vegetarian;” she said before she moved to her bedroom and locked the door.

Jayne fumbled with her fingers as she felt panic rise - she felt angered and upset at Mathew's movements, and she hated him for having had made her uncomfortable. Jayne shivered as she heard Mathew bang around in the distance; she didn't want to see him again, and so she locked the bedroom door.

Jayne returned to work the following day and she worked quietly, however at the end of the day Roderick called her into his office. Jayne walked inside and she saw him shake his head.

“You are not getting better;” he declared. “In fact you are getting progressively worse;” he stated. “I've tried to work with you Jayne, but you don't want to work with me;” he declared. “Your work is low, below low;” he added. “I may have to put you in another sector;”

Jayne nodded; she didn't want to tell Roderick that she was having issues at home, but she wanted to blame him for having had demolished her confidence and her normal existence. Jayne took in a deep breath.

“Is that all you have to say?” she asked.

“No;” told Roderick as he looked to Jayne. “I want to say more, but I am unsure if it is the right time;” he added.

Jayne nodded and she sucked in a breath - she felt angered, and wanted to leave; but she stood with her mind at a distance as Roderick continued to talk - she had no idea what he said, but at the end Jayne nodded one last time before she left.

At home Mathew glared at Jayne from the lounge; he waved as he pushed a strained smile onto his face. Jayne looked to Mathew and softened as he tried so hard to show her affection through a smile. Jayne wanted to walk up to Mathew, but he took out a gun and shot himself before she was ready to move. Jayne screamed as blood sprayed the lounge, and she raced to the phone.

“Hello! Ambulance!” gasped Jayne as her heartbeat pumped a dozen times per second. “I need help! My fiance shot himself!” she gasped as her mind ran riot.

Jayne sat in the office and cringed as Roderick called her into his office. Roderick looked to Jayne and smiled a patient smile; he then leaned back on his heels to offer a most casual stance.

“I can't work with you;” he declared as he glared at Jayne. “I'm going to offer you a customer assistance position and put you on a casual payroll;” he declared.

Jayne shrugged and then she stifled her screams as Roderick pushed forward a paper for her to sign. Jayne signed the new agreement and she left the office with heartbreak under her eyes - her fiance had killed himself, and she had no confidence left.

Jayne walked into the house and she moved to her bedroom. There she showered her skin until she felt clean and then she went to bed to get away from the world. Inside of her dreams Jayne saw Mathew as he leaned on the couch with blood wet on his brow - she couldn't touch him she just screamed until her voice turned hoarse; then she opened her eyes and screamed.