Deep Craving

Deep Craving

Copyright all rights reserved to Monica Pereira 2013

Smashwords Edition

Amber hated the world because she felt let down by it - her grades had slipped since the beginning of the year and she found it hard to concentrate on her life. She felt as though she were in a hole and it was hard to dig herself out; she wanted the world to be different - but it had stayed the same.

“I have a list of let-downs!” she exclaimed as she tried to light a cigarette.

Sure Amber knew that smoking wasn't allowed, but she had stolen one of her parents cigarettes so that she could smoke.

“I hate cigarette's!” gasped Amber as she pressed the lit cigarette in-between her teeth. “They taste gross!” she added.

The neighbour Carl looked at Amber and he shook his head. He had watched Amber as she sneaked out of the house to hide herself beside a window, and he sighed; for a short moment he recalled how he had once thought that smoking was important - not any-more.

“Hey there Amber!” he cheered.

“Hey there!” gasped Amber before she threw the cigarette onto the ground and stomped it.

“How are things?” asked Carl as he leaned on the fence.

“Good;” told Amber before she blushed.

Carl glared at Amber and threw his eyes to her shoe - she had not moved her foot off the cigarette.

“Were you smoking?” asked Carl as he glared at Amber with suspicion.

“No, just testing it;” told Amber before she shrugged. “Can't blame curiosity;” she added.

“Have you tested beer?” asked Carl as he eyed Amber as though she were a worm in an apple.

“Sure;” shrugged Amber as she began to feel like a demon.

“I have a few inside the house - how about you and me share one?” asked Carl.

Amber hesitated; she knew that the sharing of alcohol could bloom drunk emotions, however she felt brave. Amber nodded.

“Only one cup;” she said before she trekked across the lawn and slipped next door.

Amber went inside Carl's home and remarked how nice his place was. Carl thanked Amber before he led her to the kitchen where he poured her a drink, then two, then three. Amber got drunk and her memory lapsed; when she woke it was night.

“Better get home!” she gasped alarmed. “Goodbye Carl!” she cheered to a seemingly empty house.

Amber slipped next door and saw her mother Sue as she bit on her nails. Her father Max was close by and he glared at Amber with a stiff eye before he turned his back to her. Amber smiled and walked to her bedroom while both parents bickered behind her - she wasn't sure what they thought, she only knew that she had passed out drunk and felt guilt still.

Amber re-dressed into house-clothes and then she moved to the bathroom to wash out her mouth. Amber brushed her teeth and rinsed her mouth before a knock alerted her to someone else in the bathroom.

“Hi there Max;” told Amber as she turned to greet her father.

“You stank when you walked into the house;” he lectured.

“Oh?” asked Amber.

“Where were you?” asked Max.

“At a friends house;” muttered Amber as she blushed through her teeth.

“Where?” asked Max in a demanding manner.

“Next door;” told Amber as she shrugged.

“Okay;” gasped Max before he stiffly turned his back with knuckles closed.

Amber shivered as she saw Max as he strode towards the front door - she raced after him but her mother stepped in front of her and told her to go to her bedroom. Amber moved to her room promptly, and there she peered out the window. She saw Max as he moved up Carl's lawn and she opened the window before she heard a shout that told her Carl had opened the front door. An argument took place, and by it's end Amber could only sit herself on the carpet as she thought how embarrassed she was at having had trekked over to Carl's home in the first place.

Amber sat in her room as guilt weighed on her shoulders - she had heard Max shout and Carl had said his last apology before he had slammed the front door in Max's face. Amber looked at her bedroom door - within minutes it opened and there stood both of her parents.

“Hi;” whispered Amber in the slightest of tones. “What do you want?” she asked.

Her mother Sue shook her head and left while her father Max stood firm.

“You will never visit anyone's house without permission again!” gasped Max as he poked a sturdy finger in her direction. “You are also grounded!” he gasped before he slammed the door closed.

Amber shivered to herself as she hung her head; she could only blame herself for having had gone over to drink, and she felt bad. Amber decided she would never smoke or drink again, and she crossed her fingers to tie the deal. She felt dirty and the only way she could be cleansed was by being clean; she was going to be clean and stay clean, and she would never let herself or her parents down ever again.

Amber tried to cleanse herself, but she battled with school and battled with her feelings; day in day out she wanted to smoke or drink to try and drench the feeling of isolation, however she nibbled on crackers and gum instead. Within a week Amber could hold herself back no longer and she broke into the pantry to pour herself some wine. Sue caught Amber and she shook her head.

“I don't mind a drink, but not without supervision;” told Sue before she poured herself a cup and gulped down wine also.

“Can I smoke too?” asked Amber as she blinked at Sue as she placed the cup down onto the kitchen bench.

“Not in your life!” gasped Sue. “Smoking is dirty and only suites men;” she lectured as she glared at Amber. “You must go to your room now;” she told.

Amber shrugged. She went to her room and she sat on her bed - however she couldn't feel calm; she wanted another drink and she wanted a cigarette as a hard ache welled inside and offered her sharp craving. However Amber wasn't allowed any such thing, and so she nibbled on gum and tried to forget - however she couldn't forget.

“I have to get off this mental trip!” gasped Amber before she turned on some music to forget about the world.

Amber went to school and sought out help from her friend Tiffany. She walked up to Tiffany who sun-baked with her boyfriend Adam, and she asked her for a private chat.

“You can talk in front of me!” told Adam as he grinned her way before he glued Tiffany to his side.

Amber wasn't sure if she wanted to, but Tiffany invited her to a seat and she took it right away. Amber looked at the couple and she felt disheartened - Adam looked like a talker, and she didn't want him to brag to the school how much she wanted to intake prohibited substances. Amber squinted and as she was about to open her mouth when the school bell rang - Tiffany gasped and picked up her bag.

“Test time!” she muttered before she picked up her shoes and left.

Adam waved goodbye, and then he looked to Amber.

“What's the problem then?” he asked.

Amber didn't want to say.

“I can't talk to you I might feel ashamed and you might brag;” she muttered in a shy tone.

“I won't!” told Adam as he glared. “What do you want to say?” he asked.

“Well...” muttered Amber as she wrinkled her thoughts. “I want to drink;” she declared.

Adam smiled and shrugged.

“What's wrong with that?” he asked. “I like to drink, I do it all the time;” he said.

“I'm grounded;” told Amber as she began to cringe inside. “I'll need to do it while school is in;” she added.

Adam looked at his watch and then he looked to Amber.

“Well it's nine am;” he muttered. “I have no tests, we can get drunk;” he declared. “I can do it at my home, my parents aren't around;” he added.

Amber shrugged and then she nodded.

“I would like that!” she declared as she almost wept inside - she really wanted to get off her head, the world she had been stuck in had been too closed.

“Cool;” muttered Adam before he took out his keys. “I've got a car, we can go;” he declared.

“Cool!” gasped Amber before she picked up her bag and followed Adam.

Adam drove to the local alcohol store and brought fifty dollars worth of drink. He then took Amber to his home where they drank until they felt cold sweat as it ran down their spines. Adam thought it was fun, but he was also a dare-devil and he asked Amber if she wanted to do something else.

“I know what goes well with drink;” he muttered. “Pills;” he said before he picked up a box and took out a special pill that was black and had a little red dot in the middle. “It's the best to get high;” he muttered before he pushed the pill towards Amber's face.

“Okay;” muttered Amber before she took the pill and swallowed it with some more alcohol.

Adam did the same, and together they sat and talked until their tongues grew heavy and their eyes blurred. One after the other they dropped into a coma where they slept in a blanket of black until they were woken up at the local hospital.

Amber glared at Max and Sue who shook their heads as she laid strung to the hospital bed. Amber knew then that there that she had them them down and she sobbed as she realised she had let herself down also. 

“You will never be able to see that young man again!” told Max as he leaned over the bed.

“Why? Do I have to go to home school now?” asked Amber as she felt depression as it hit her mind like a tidal wave.

“He is dead!” told Max as he narrowed his eyes. “It is all because you wanted to get drunk!” he gasped. “I hate you right now!” he added. “I hate you;” he said as Sue sobbed behind his shoulder.

“I hate you!” told Amber as her head spun in a spiral.

She couldn't remember anything, only blank as it fogged her mind. Amber couldn't even remember how she had walked to school that morning - she hated herself for having such a vacant mind.

“I hate you!” cried Amber as she heard the machine run its beeps in sequence.

“I hate you more;” told Max before he hissed through his teeth and stepped back to leer.

Amber went home that afternoon and she was led to her bedroom. Inside of her room she was told to read or sleep, and so she read until she grew too tired to be able to read any more. Amber went to bed with a sore head as she suffocated inside; she was going to stay home for the rest of the week, and she wasn't going to be able to vacate the house not even for school.

“Life sucks!” told Amber as she sulked. “I hate everyone in the world!” she added before she closed her eyes to sob until she blanked out yet again.