Dark Worries

There are bells ringing in Amanda's mind.  They are set on her husband who left for work early.  He is a cop.  She knows it is a tough land, but she is worried.  There are sirens in her head blaring that she needs to know where he is and what he is doing, and they won't let her sleep.

Amanda calls her husbands number and he fails to pick up.  She feels mist inside her eyes, buts he tries not to cry.  She wishes, she hopes, that he will be okay -  but something inside of her tells her he will be hurt and so she chews on her nails as she rocks herself some minor comfort.


Morning turns into afternoon.  Afternoon turns into night.  Night turns into morning.  Morning turns into day. 

Amanda cries looking at the television which has a soap opera on its face.  Something has happened, she knows it, she feels sick, sick while waiting for the worst.


The next day a nine am call breaks the silence.  Amanda picks up the phone it is Patrick - her husbands boss.

"Hello Amanda;"  he greets.

There is a sense of hurt in his tone, and Amanda gasps.

"Is it my husband?  Is he hurt?" she asks as she clutches the phone.

Patrick pulls in a breath and pauses.

"Peter died during action.  He had been shot."  he tells her.

Amanda closes her eyes as her gut knots and her mind twirls.  Patrick's words turn into blurs, and she forgets the world as her mind turns numb.  She feels brain dead as she surfs a deep dark space.  She becomes lost in vacancy, and when she wakes Patrick is by her side.


"I broke in;"  he tells her.

Amanda frowns as she moves her head.

"You fainted when I was telling you the bad news;"  he mutters.

Amanda flicks her eyes open, and then she draws in a deep breath; she feels sad, so sad her whole heart could break.  Amanda cries, and soon Patrick is rocking her to try and help her to calm down.


A solemn funeral is held, and Amanda can't lift up her head.  Memories want to flood her mind, buts he holds them back.  She doesn't want to remember, she just wants to stand still.

Patrick drives her home, and when home she invites him for tea.  He accepts.

There is some small talk, but there isn't much to say.  Amanda is sad, and Patrick notices.  Patrick wants to hold her, and so he offers her a back rub.  Amanda shivers a little, but she forces herself to smile.

"I like your smile, it's nice;"  tells Patrick as he glares at her.  "You should smile more often;"

Amanda becomes shamed, like her smile could be sin so close to her husbands funeral.

"I think you should leave;"  she tells Patrick.  

"I'm sorry you feel I should leave;"  he mutters as he drops his arm and his smile.

"It's not you, it's me;"  tells Amanda as she feels her eyes swell with tears.  "I need some space;"  she adds.

"I understand;"  tells Patrick as he places a card onto the table.  "But please, if you need anything, give me a call;"

Amanda smiles and she places the card under the sugar jar.

"Oh I will;"  she tells.  "Just give me a couple of days and I will call even if it is just for a cup of tea;"

"Make sure you do;"  tells Patrick before he moves to leave.


Amanda shows Patrick to the door, she waves as he gets into his car and drives away.  Her heart feels warm and broken at the same time, and so Amanda closes the door and she moves to her bed to relax.  She can't sleep, so she stares at the ceiling listening to empty space.  She thinks of her husband and she grows sad, then she thinks of Patrick and she grows warm.  She wishes she could have asked him to stay with her, but space she needs lest she tangle herself into a mess which she will find hard to get out of.  

Amanda closes her eyes and she relaxes.  Space she needs, and time, she she shall think of starting again with someone new.