Finding Love

Troy looks at the students who flock the school corridors and he sees a blur of colors and faces he has seen a million times before. He wishes he had a drink to be able to sit to watch the blur of people, himself, and the world, to be able to realize that he knows everyone and still he is unhappy. “What’s there to be unhappy about? Is life going too slow?” he asks as he closes his eyes and remembers yesterday when he was in primary school, and the day before when he was in pre-school, and the day before when he was in baby care. Troy grits his teeth and then he looks away. “I wish I had a drink right now;” he mutters before he turns and almost runs into someone he has noticed a thousand times over but never had the guts to go near. “Loser;” he mutters making the girl turn her head. Amber looks behind and sees Troy and she narrows her eyes. Troy smiles and shrugs before a crowd of people flock and the girl vanishes with them. Troy narrows his eyes and he wonders about Amber – he doesn’t care about the people calling his name for him to move right or left; he just sits on his wonder and wishes he had the guts to ask her out – but he doesn’t; he feels there is a wall and he can’t take it down or it would change his life forever. So, Troy turns away and when he does he closes the door of curiosity. Later in the day there is a long canteen line – Troy rolls his eyes and his stomach grumbles; he is famished and it will take twenty minutes just to be served. Troy rolls his eyes and he looks around – he sees Amber a couple of people ahead and he feels like asking if he can cut in; however he doesn’t, he just stares, and when he does he almost sees himself reaching out to take her hand which sits limp by her skirt. He thinks about it – touching her hand, and feeling like their worlds have finally joined to make them friends; but then he feels a rash of red and he looks around and sees all the world gone quiet so that all those around can send dark stares their way; their eyes turn black and a blonde spotlight sits over Troy telling him he has been seen and it has not been liked. Troy grunts as he lets go of Ambers hand and the world turns normal once again. “That’s what it’s like exactly;” he mutters before a nudge in the back tell him to move forward with the queue which has moved up half a meter. Troy sits in his car thinking about Amber. He wishes he could offer her a ride home, but all he can offer her is silence. He hasn’t even said hello, just stared at her from a distance. He wishes he could do more than that, but he hasn’t thought of what. There is a gap in his life which has a spot to fill and he wishes he could invite her to fill it - but life is hard, and the people are harder on the people who try to make the impossible happen. Troy wipes his brow and he looks across the street and he sees Amber walking down the street as happy as a person who has just had their first birthday. He starts his car and he follows her; he stares as he drives as slowly as a granny down the street glaring at her like he has been hooked onto a line he can’t get off. Amber looks in the reflection of a car and she sees a silver car driving slowly behind her. She passes a store and she stops to stare in the reflection of a window, and she narrows her eyes as she sees Troy staring with his head sticking out of the window. She narrows her eyes, then after a second he revs his car and leaves. Troy walks the dock on the harbor-side which he lives. The world is quiet in the afternoon and he feels an itch on his neck which is stronger than any mosquito bite – it is stress. He wishes he could decide what he wants with Amber - he wants to ask her out, but then he thinks of the world and the people in it and he thinks that no one will like him if he did ask her out. Troy gets an itch again, and then he kicks a pebble into the water before moving back to his house. At school Troy sees Amber collecting her books from a locker. He stares at her, and then he glares at her as he tries to tell his feet to move - they stand rock still. Troy can’t stop staring and when Amber looks over he freaks out – slowly he turns away to glares at a different locker, and then when he turns his head she is gone. After school Troy hangs out at the mall and he looks at a range of bags. He finds one for him, then he finds a shirt for him, and then at last he passes some jewelry on sale and finds a watch for him; but then his eyes glance across at the lady’s section and he finds a heap of jewelry on special, and one of the things he finds is a locket. Troy opens it and he thinks of what he can put inside of it; “This will do;” he mutters before he snatches it and walks to the counter to pay. The next day at school Troy searches for Amber - she is in the gym practicing cheers when he finds her. Troy rushes behind her to tap her on the shoulder and when he does she does a jump which bangs her head into Troy’s face. Troy drops the locket and he holds his nose as he turns away. Amber rubs her head as she turns to look at who is behind; she raises her brows as she sees Troy. “You’ve hurt my nose!” he yells before he rushes off with blood streaming down his fingers. Amber narrows her eyes at Troy. “Hold your head back!” she yells but he doesn’t hear her. Amber sighs and she looks to the ground to feel sorry for Troy, and when she lowers her stare she sees the locket which she picks it up. Amber opens the locket – inside is the picture of a flower and she closes it fast. “Finders-keepers;” she sings before she pockets the locket and runs off to get changed into her normal school clothes. The next day Amber wears the locket to school and she shows her friends the small item. They gather to look and as they do Troy passes by and glances across - he drops his jaw when he sees the locket and he rushes over to snatch it. The chain breaks and Troy steps back with the locket inside of his hand. “Sorry, that’s mine;” he tells her. Amber blinks as all her friends move away. “I must have dropped it when you had hit me in the face;” he mutters. Amber shrugs. “Sorry, I thought it was just junk;” she mutters. “That’s fine;” tells Troy as he is unable to announce the words that he had brought it for her as he pockets the item. “So, do you want to go out sometime?” he asks. Amber blinks and then scoffs. “What?” she asks. “I have a car;” he mutters. “I could take you somewhere after school;” Amber shrugs. “Okay;” she mutters. Troy shrugs. “Great;” he smiles as he notices the hall growing quiet. “Meet me at the front after school;” he mutters before he turns away. When turned away Troy smiles and he feels a drip of ice-cold sweat dribble down his right cheek. Amber slips into Troy’s car and they drive off. Troy feels a little bit of burn as his friends stare at him at a crossing, but after a wave he moves on and feels less uncomfortable about driving Amber around. The wind slips through the gap at the top of the window and helps to cool his hot head. As soon as the car hits the highway Troy presses on the pedal and lets the wheels of the car grow wings. Amber rolls her eyes to Troy as the car stops at the lookout which is a popular make-out point for teens. “You’ve got to be kidding a corny make-out point?” she asks. “It’s got a nice view;” he mutters with a smile. “I thought you said a date like a movie or something… not this…” she argues. “I’m sorry – what else are you expecting?” he asks as he raises his voice. “You go out with me and you give me some action;” he mutters as he undoes his belt to show he is serious. “So you use your mouth for something more than talking;” he mutters. “Well cancel the date then;” mutters Amber as she crosses her arms. “I’m not doing that;” “Then that’s it;” mutters Troy as he puts his belt back together. “No action, nothing else;” he tells her. “If you don’t sleep with me now then we’re through;” Amber nibbles on her lip. “Well I guess we could try just having sex;” she shrugs. Troy smiles. “That’s fine;” he mutters. “That’s what the back is for;” At school Amber avoids Troy - their sexual relationship didn’t work out and so she turns her back every time she sees him. Troy feels his heart dip, and then he grows mad when she snubs him over again – even at hello she turns to walk away. Jack notices Amber’s slack performance on the cheer squad and he rolls his eyes. He picks up a football and throws it at her – the ball hits Amber is the stomach and she rolls her eyes as the ball drops at her feet. “Get off the field!” he jeers as his friends laugh. Amber turns away and wipes her eyes – she hates Jack, and she kicks the ball away to show him she hates him as he approaches to pick it up. “None of that now, it was just some harmless fun;’ he mutters as he picks up the ball. “By the way, your performance really sucks;” he tells her. “It’s really bad;” “Oh okay, then you take my place then;” tells Amber before she walks away. Troy glares at Amber as she stands reading the notice board – she has been kicked off the cheer team and she feels upset that she will not be going interstate for the football challenge event. Troy touches her arm. “Go out with me;” he mutters. Amber shrugs. “Sure, I’ve got nothing else to do;” she mutters. “Great!” retorts Troy as he takes her hand. “I’ve got so much I want to talk about;” he tells her. “I’ve been thinking about us ever since our last date!” Troy and Amber date on a regular basis for a few weeks. Troy tells Amber he might like to marry her after school has finished, and excited Amber rushes home to tell her parents that she will not be going to college because she is going to get married after she has finished school. Her parents object, however she is firm on her decision and they can only bow their heads in disagreement as they realize that Amber has fallen in love. However, then a new student named Emma catches Troy’s eye and he begins to feel as though he wants more than Amber. So Troy plans to drop Amber so that he can date Emma, and he does it on a day in which Amber plans to tell him that she might be pregnant. “I have something to tell you;” tells Troy as he leans back in his car-seat. “What is it?” asks Amber with a smile. “I don’t want to date you any more;” he tells her. “There’s someone else I want to know;” he adds. “Someone amazing;” he mutters before he looks to the curb where Emma stands waiting for him to tell her she can slip into his car for a date. Amber looks across and sees Emma. “Oh, that’s great;” she mutters in deflate. “But we can still be friends;” tells Troy as he offers Amber his hand. “Oh sure friends;” she mutters as she shakes his hand briefly before slipping out of the car. Troy waves to Emma and she races to slip inside the car as Amber moves to a nearby bench to sit. Amber feels sorry for herself and she hopes that she is not pregnant as she mills over the idea that she might have to apologize to her parents for changing her college plans. “And I might be pregnant;” she mutters as she feels a dark halo loom over her brow. “Oh, I am such a fool!” she groans before she hangs her head to block out the world and the sun with it. Amber hangs out at the mall until sun-down and then she walks home. On the way she meets some drunk youths and they whistle as she walks their way. Amber feels her heart-beat hard as she walks past them as one bothers to jeer. “Nice jumper;” he mutters. “I’d like to take if off;” he adds before laughing. Amber feels ice-cold inside of her skin and it makes her skin tingle. “Want a drink?” asks the youth. “No thankyou;” mutters Amber before she moves to rush past. Another one stands in her way. “What’s wrong with a drink?” he mutters. Amber feels her gulp catch her gasp as she rushes past to get further away. Two months later Troy gets hit with the truth – he has been enjoying Emma’s company and he has gotten her pregnant! Troy feels bad, he feels sore, he feels as though he has been lying the whole time over his attraction for her, and he feels sick. “So, what do you want to do now that I am pregnant?” asks Emma. “Nothing;” mutters Troy. “Well don’t you want to marry me?” asks Emma. “I can live with you in your home, or you in mine, until we can afford our own place;” she sings. Troy drinks a drink and then he looks away. “I’m sorry I didn’t make any plans, I just thought we were having some fun;” he mutters as he feels a black tie strangle him to tell him he has ruined his life. “We have to be married;” tells Emma. “You think so?” asks Troy. “Yes, we have to!” tells Emma. “I have to think;” mutters Troy. “If you don’t do it, then I will hate you forever;” tells Emma. Troy looks to Emma – he sees someone he really enjoys and he feels his surprise turn into love. “I’m less annoyed and more in love when I look at you;” he mutters. “I think any person would love to marry you – including me;” Emma smiles. “Great!” she cheers. “Buy me a ring and I’ll tell my parents!” Troy turns away; he rummages into his pocket and finds a ring he had once brought for Amber. “I have one;” he mutters before he turns to Emma. “I brought it when I thought I had fallen in love, I just hadn’t wanted to use it until now;” he mutters. Emma snatches the ring and puts it on her finger. “It fits!” she cries before she gives Troy a hug. “You and me we’re going to have a great life together;” she mutters. “A great life!” cheers Troy before he narrows his eyes. He had wanted to call Amber that morning to ask if she could see him, but now he thinks that he can cross her name out of his phone book and move on with his life. At school Troy looks at Amber who is fighting with Jack who has stolen one of her pom-poms. “You’ve been kicked off the team!” he tells her. “You don’t need this;” Amber narrows her eyes before she throws the other one at Jack. “It’s a waste of time Amber. You know it;” he adds as Amber walks away. Troy glares at Amber as she picks up her bag, and then he approaches her. “Ugly sick jerk!” gasps Amber as she moves to walk past Troy. “Hey;” mutters Troy as she nears. “Hi;” mutters Amber as she stops in her steps. “I have something I want to tell you;” mutters Troy. Amber stares. “I’m getting married;” he tells her. “To Emma, my girlfriend;” “Great for you;” tells Amber as she raises her brows. “I’m going to college;” she adds. “I told my parents I would and so that is what I am going to be doing;” Troy smiles. “So we’re both set;” he tells her. “Yes;” tells Amber as she shrugs. “No bad feelings then?” asks Troy. “None;” tells Amber as she shrugs. “I could have chosen you;” tells Troy after a moment. “I wanted to, but it didn’t work out;” he adds. Amber shrugs. “Well it’s great you’ve chosen someone;” she tells him. “I wanted it to be you;” tells Troy. Amber catches her breath. “But I got Emma pregnant;” tells Troy. Amber shrugs. “Well good luck;” she smiles before she walks away. Troy gets drunk with his friends after school. They sit by the beach drinking, and late at night Troy heads into the water to go for a swim. He sinks under the water and does not resurface. His friends yell to get him to return to the beach, but he has gone. So the friends call for help, but getting none one of the friends brave to dive into the water. They find Troy under the waves, and they drag him out of the water. Troy coughs. “Are you alive?” asks Adam. “Yes I am, thanks;” mutters Troy. “I don’t know what I was doing;” “Partying!” tells Adam before he invites Troy to a drink. Amber looks at her family and she reads the acceptance letter. Her parents cheer that she has gotten into college, but she can only smile. With Troy on the way to being married she feels cheated – she wants to be married too, and him not marrying her makes her feel like she has lost someone special. Amber shrugs. “I’m so happy, I can’t wait;” she tells her parents before she walks to her bedroom. Inside Amber drops her smile – she feels sad, and what she can’t wait for is to find what can make her happy again.