Greta Feels Bad

Greta looks at herself. She feels pale and thin, like she will never be okay. She brushes her hair and some hair falls out - it's not abnormal, but she thinks she would rather not have it fall out. She's missing a part of herself which had seemed strong before she had brushed her hair, and looking at her brush and all its tangled captures she feels like she's let herself down. Greta shakily puts the brush down and she wipes her eyes. She feels lost, lost like a ghost caught flying in space, and she doesn't know what she can do to make things better. She clears her throat, and then she looks away from the mirror that seems like a spy. She doesn't want it to see her, and she can't say 'excuse me don't stare' because it always stares. She wants to break it, but she is sane enough to know that breaking it would just mean a bad time with her parents. So she swallows her pride, and she steps out of the bathroom and into her bedroom where all she needs to do is pick up her bag to leave. Greta does not feel like going to school, she wants to stay; but her mother Sue is home all day and so she picks up the bag and leaves. "Don't say goodbye!" calls Greta before she walks out the front door. "I'll just die on my own;" she mutters before she walks out where the sun shines like a heater set on high. Greta walks to school. It takes fifteen minutes for her to walk, and the walk is joined by other school goers of the area. Greta feels hot, she feels cold, and then she worries. There is a sign of worry set behind her sad eyes and she can't help but sob. She feels lost, she feels alone, and she feels sad; she can't get the small feeling set outside of herself, and so she nibbles on them making herself every more sad as she scrapes her feet over the cement side-walk. At school Greta moves through the isle of students and she heads towards her locker. The locker is locked and she fumbles with her keys until she drops them. Agitated Greta grits her teeth and she bends to pick up the keys. Then she tosses each key on a ring before she finds the correct key. Greta smiles and she opens the locker with small effort, and then she takes out her books and time table. She looks at her classes, she knows each one by memory, she just checks to see she knows her memory; she does. So Greta fast closes her locker and she stuffs her keys in her bag. Then she turns around and she sees Lachlan, a student in her year. "What?" she asks as she narrows her eyes. "Nothing just waiting for my locker;" he mutters as he tosses a key inside of his fingers. Greta stops feeling so insulted and she steps to the side - just so happens his locker is underneath hers, and so she rolls her eyes and walks away as fast as her temper can crawl into her gut. At class Greta fumbles with her pen. It's a silver pen which sparkles in the sunlight. She turns it over inside of her fingers ignoring the class and the teacher. Greta feels hours pass and all she does is stare at her pen - it's colours, it's brightness, it's patterns; she gets through the day listening to only her heartbeat, and it moves on. At the end of school however Jacob catches sight of her while she is walking in the hall. He tries to smile but she ignores him, and so he follows her with his eyes as she passes by. He sees where she goes, it is a small nook of dim where there are lockers shoved near the corner of the staircase; he runs his fingers through his hair. He couldn't be bothered chasing her, he just wishes she could see him when he is saying hello. The school vacates and Greta takes her time sorting her books to take home and her books to stash. It is a lazy effort, and by it's end she feels like she is going to lose herself. So she picks aspirin from her bag and takes one with a sip of water from her bag. She can't say she feels better, she just feels like she has done something other then leave herself alone. Greta shrugs and she packs her water, and then she turns to leave. Greta passes Jacob who is counting the seconds on his watch. He hears her shoes and he looks up, with a jump he chases after her, and when he catches up he slaps her hard on the back. "Jeese!" scoffs Greta as she narrows her eyes. "That hurt!" Jacob shrugs. "Sorry;" he mutters as he stands still. Maybe it is not the right day to talk to Greta, but he wishes he could. He's been seeing her, noticing she doesn't feel the same, and so he thinks to himself she might like to hang out with him a bit. "Hey!" he says before he catches her hand. Greta feels a yank and she rolls her eyes before she turns to Jacob with temper on her mind. "Well you look fine;" tells Jacob with a grin. "I thought you were feeling under the weather not over it;" Greta shakes her head. "What?" she asks. "You look like you need a tune up;" mutters Jacob. "Just between you and me;" he adds. Greta shakes her head. "I've got a car, I can drive you somewhere if you want to..." he mutters with a wink. "No;" mutters Greta as she rubs her arm. "I've got to go;" she adds. Jacob hears some students giggle and he waves his hand a short time before he races off. He has things to do, people to see, and he can't afford to waste any more time at school. Greta steams home on her two feet. She passes students, she passes, dogs, she passes shoppers; she walks by everyone following her own shadow, and then she gets home. Greta looks at herself in the mirror - her face is almost grey, and she trembles as she sees it. She feels dead, she looks worse, and she can't help but scream inside of her mind. Greta trembles as she covers her eyes with her hands, and then she moves away from the mirror. She can't fight it anymore, she feels bad, and feeling bad just makes her feel worse. Greta touches her neck, she can feel the pulse within it, she feels scared. She trembles down the hall scraping her back on the wall to stop the inquisition where stares look at her from all around. Greta reaches her parents bedroom and she slips inside. Everything is neat, everything is tidy; she looks and sees everything in good order, and she wishes it were a mess like her. "Stupid bastard!" she gasps as her face crumples up from sadness as tears wet her eyes. Greta looks at the things on her mothers table, they look nice and orderly, and she just knows her life is perfect. Greta looks at her father's closet - there are suits inside, two for Monday to Sunday, and two for going out. She trembles as she walks towards it with hate on her eyes. She opens the cupboard and she feels her fingers hum as she touches one of the suites. She wants revenge, she needs revenge, and she can feel herself weak enough to want to go through with it. She wants to cut up his suites from Monday to Sunday, with her very own hands. She knows she will get in trouble but she feels so cold she feels insane; she wants to destroy them like a cut in the throat, so she picks up scissors and starts to cut through the shirts and ties, and then the pants and jackets. Once the whole wardrobe is in disorderly fashion she closes the cupboard and leaves. She feels shaken, like she had just hurt herself; she feels frightened that Her father might kill her when he finds out what she had done. "I'm dying;" she mutters as she sneaks back to her room. "You did it;" she adds before she locks her bedroom door. Greta chews on her nails as she watches the day turn from light to dark. She hears her parents come home and she almost faints. She feels a buzz as she waits for the explosion. It doesn't come right away, her parents have a lot on their mind and they sail through a thorough discussion; but it comes within an hour. When her father Joe walks into his room to undress he swallows his mood as he turns the whole house tense. Joe races down to Sue. "Did you cut up my wardrobe;" he asks. Sue narrows her eyes and her smile drops. "No;" she says honestly. joe shakes his head, and then he races to Greta's room. He tries to barge into her room but it is locked, and so he thunders a knock that is hard and cold. "Greta! Open this door!" he orders. Greta shivers - Joe sounds mad, so she chews on her nail as she refuses to move to the door. There are a few more knocks, then the door shakes. Greta glares at it with her eyes open as she sobs. She doesn't know what she was wanting, she just knows she is scared. She wipes her face as Joe races down the stairs to collect the skeleton key. Then he races back and he opens her door and he barges inside the room. "What are you up to?" he asks as he pants through his chest. "Why did you cut up my suites!" "It wasn't me!" mutters Greta as she feels her fingers shake. "is everything okay?" asks Sue. "yes, go away!" tells Joe with a wave of his hand. "Okay!" gasps Sue before she closes the door. "Why did you do it?" asks Joe as he narrows his eyes. "Why did you cut up my things?" "I didn't..." lies Greta as she feels more tears dribble down her face. "Yes you did, I can see it, you're trembling;" he mutters with a scoff. "You're scared, like you've done something, like you've cut up my clothes;" he mutters as he approaches her. Greta looks at him and she feels her fingers drop from her lips. She knows she is crying, but she can't just tell him she feels bad. "What is it?" asks Joe as he gets within arms length. "I..." stammers Greta. "I'm sad!" she gasps. joe stops his steps and he stares at her. "You're sad?" he asks. "Sorry I overlooked it, those clothes cost over fifty thousand dollars;" he mutters. "I'm sick;" mutters Greta as she watches Joe touch her radio. "Sick?" he asks as he checks the cord at the back of the radio. 'you made me sick;" she mutters before she begins to walk to suck on her fingers. "That's great I make you sick, but you cost me a lot of money;" he tells her before he finds the kind of cord he wants hanging off the back of the lamp. "You would have been better off knocking off the car, at least it's insured;" he sighs before he collects his cord. "i can't... you're home then;" mutters Greta as she wipes the last tear from her eye. She feels better. Talking to Joe she feels normal, like she can't feel the cold anymore. With a sniff she looks away to pick up a tissue. She blows her nose, then she turns back to Joe who is winding the electrical cord around his hand until he has the perfect length. "what are you doing?" she asks as she feels her spine tingle. "I'm going to mess you up a bit;" he tells her. "Then we can all have dinner;" Joe spends hours with Greta. Once he starts he can't stop, and Sue can only scream on the outside of the door as Greta screams. There are tears and sobs, and then the world turns quiet. It is to the silence Joe confides his spoken word of truth; "It's finished;" he mutters. Sue strangles a wash cloth as Joe searches the kitchen for dinner. None has been made, and he scoffs at Sue. "She had to be punished!" he gasps. "For three hours?" asks Sue as she looks out the window where its dark. "she had no right to cut up my things! I have to pay for more you know!" gasps Joe before he moves to the fridge to check out the left-overs. "There's no food;" he mutters as he straightens up. "Just old vegetables;" "I was going to order;" tells Sue before she puts down the cloth. "But I don't feel like eating;" she mutters before she moves to walk past. Joe stands in front of her to stop her. "where you going/" he asks. "To check on Greta;" mutters Sue. "She was screaming so loud the neighbours came to check what was going on;" she tells. "You're not checking on her; she's best left alone and forget about dinner;" tells Joe. "I just want to see her a second;" mutters Sue. "no;" tells Joe. "She's not able to be seen;" he tells her. "Then I'll just see her!" panics Sue. "hell no! Now you go!" yells Joe as he grabs Sue's arm. "You don't go near her!" Sue swallows hard. She feels the tense in Joe and she can't help but feel scared. So she rolls her thoughts, and then she turns away from the corridor that leads to Greta's room. "Watch TV;" invites Joe. Sue feels her rage turn to weakness, and she leaves Greta's room alone. "Watch tv, I'll send Greta down when she's ready;" tells Joe before he moves to the phone to order home delivery. Greta flicks her eyes open. She feels sore, but the soreness is dull compared to the bruise on the side of her head. Joe had hit her with a bat, he had hit her just right spot for her to grow weak at the knees; then she had fainted. Greta remembers the feeling of falling down into a pool of black and white grains, she thought she was going to fall forever, and then she blacked out. Greta turns on a lamp, and then she shuffles to the mirror - she cringes; she looks like she has a black bug on the side of her head and its a big black bruise. 'bastard!" she gasps. "i can't wear that to school!" she adds. greta then stares at her shirt. She feels bad but she bothers to lift it and when she does she sees a range of cuts and bruises, she wants to throw up. "At least it's under;" she sighs, and then she hears her stomach grumble. "i could go to school, but..." A cough makes her jump. Her door is open, and Joe is standing by it looking at her. "no school for a week;" he tells her. "Oh;" she breathes before she slips to the side where it is a shade darker. Joe coughs inside of his hand and he slowly closes her door. Greta grows upset, she finally begins to cry. Greta spends a week at home. She watches TV, she reads, and then she eats. She grows bored doing nothing so it is a relief when she is ready to return to school. However at school Greta can only think of her face with its black bruise. If Joe hadn't hit he with that bat no one would know that she had been caught in an accident. But with her bruise on show everyone beings to ask questions, and so she tells them a lie - she fell off a horse. At home Greta feels helpless, and she grows more agitated as she realises she is scared of Joe. But he doesn't punish her, he just sits on his stool drinking beer quietly disliking her. She wishes she could run, but she has to sit and Joe looks at her and chews on her face. He wants her to go away, and she is scared one day he might make her leave.